Episode 44

E44: Secure Your Mission with Cathy Sikorski

According to statistics, 90% of women’s income is invested back into their families for nutrition, education, and healthcare. As the mother of a high school junior, I can definitely attest to this. We women are naturally caregivers. Unfortunately, this generosity can strain our well-being and financial future.

This episode’s guest is Cathy Sikorski, an Elder Law attorney, blogger, and video influencer, who makes complex legal and financial issues digestible and helps you to avert a crisis in caregiving, aging, and retirement. 

Among the wisdom Cathy shares:

  • How being a caregiver to families is a dubious honor because of the accountability
  • Long-term care insurance as an important safety net for self-employed caregivers
  • Why it’s essential to get powers of attorney in relation to your finances and healthcare

Let’s avoid the financial pitfalls that surprise too many women due to our selflessness.  As the saying goes, “You need to secure your own mask first before assisting others.”  That is the most loving thing you can do.

More About Our Guest:

Cathy Sikorski, an Elder Law attorney, blogger, and video influencer, distills complex legal and financial issues and helps you to prepare before a crisis in caregiving, aging and retirement. Sikorski has written three books, the most recent book, 12 Conversations: How to Talk to Almost Anyone About Long-Term Care Planning, was released in October 2021. Sikorski has educated financial, long-term care, insurance, and HR professionals, caregivers, social workers and many more about serious planning. Her appearances include television, radio, and podcasts. She was featured on the Huffington Post, AARP, written a one-act play for Writers Theater of New Jersey, and is a SheSource expert for the Women’s Media Center in Washington, D.C.

Connect with Cathy Sikorski:

Connect with Erin and find the resources mentioned in this episode at hourlytoexit.com/podcast.

Erin's LinkedIn Page: https://www.linkedin.com/in/erinaustin/

Think Beyond IP YouTube Page: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVztXnDYnZ83oIb-EGX9IGA/videos

Music credit: Yes She Can by Tiny Music

A Team Dklutr production

Transcript
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Hello ladies.

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Welcome to the Hourly to

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Exit podcast.

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I'm very

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excited for our episode today.

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I have Kathy Sikorski,

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with us to talk about some thing

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that will be of interest to.

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All of us, which is, very directly

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related to the key value here at

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a exit, which is getting more wealth

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in the hands of women because we

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think that will change the world.

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And so before I introduce

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Kathy, I'm gonna rattle off a few

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statistics about.

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Why it's so important to get

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more wealth in the hands of women.

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So I was reading a recent Forbes

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article that said that women tend to

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invest more than 90% of their assets

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in earnings back into their families

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for nutrition, education,

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healthcare, and more.

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In contrast, men only invest about

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44% of their incomes back into

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their families.

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Women build wealth to support a broader

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set of goals for their family, for

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philanthropy, and for the world.

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the stats I have on my website,

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women give twice as much of their

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wealth to charitable causes than men.

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They're almost twice as likely to

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say that the act of donating is the

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most satisfying part of having wealth.

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their financial wellbeing is

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influenced by their sense of

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responsibility for others, for

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their families, for the community,

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and for society.

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and that women are nearly twice

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as likely as men to say that

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they've discussed philanthropy with

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their children, which I think is

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a great stat so that we're raising

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a generation of charitable givers.

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And so of course women aren't

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just generous with their money.

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They're also generous with

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their time.

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And so we are gonna talk about

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that, our role as caregivers and

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sometimes, perhaps at our own expense.

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So with that, Kathy, please introduce

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yourself to the

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audience.

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Hi everyone.

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I'm so happy to be here, for so

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many reasons.

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To be invited into this room to

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talk about what I talk about.

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And what I do is very expanding

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for all of us.

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And so I'm thrilled to be here to talk

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about my topic, which is I am

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an elder lawyer, which means I deal

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with elder law issues, Medicaid,

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Medicare, people in nursing homes,

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social security, et cetera, et cetera.

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But I have done that for well over

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30 years, and I have found that.

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Actually, elder law isn't even, I was

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a regular lawyer for one of a better

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word, elder law is kind of new, and

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it's grown with these issues of

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nursing homes and Medicaid and the

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cost of care because we're getting older.

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We're, baby boomers, there's more of us.

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And so it's, really kind of

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a newer field.

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So maybe 20 years I've been doing it.

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but what I found being a caregiver

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for eight different family members and

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friends during this period of time, not

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as my job, but as a person with a big

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family who needs help and is a the

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punitive expert in the family, is that,

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women especially tend to put aside

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their financial wellbeing in order

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to what they think is to create, Other

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wellbeing within the family, and

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that isn't always the wisest choice,

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and that isn't always even the

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necessary choice.

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They don't even know that there's options

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out there for them.

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So I feel like I often have this

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twofold conversation like number one.

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is it gonna cost you money to

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be a caregiver?

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and number two is there a way to

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get paid for doing what you are doing

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as a caregiver without putting

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your financial future and wellbeing

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into jeopardy?

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Because it's very likely that the

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person that you are taking care

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of, which might be a woman, your mom,

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your mother-in-law, et cetera, has

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put herself in financial jeopardy.

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That's why your caregiving for her.

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Mm-hmm.

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So there's a lot of, layers to

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this onion that we could, unpeel that

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could go on for, as you can imagine,

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days, hours, weeks.

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but the money part is really important,

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and that's what I actually love about

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your work, Erin, is quite frankly,

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it's the money part.

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Right.

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We women have lots of value.

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We have lots of expertise.

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We have lots of things that we bring

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to the table, but for some reason

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we forget about the money piece.

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Mm-hmm.

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we do, we value our ourselves

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in so many ways.

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Yeah.

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So my, experience, my expertise is

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in the legal part of this and the

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financial part of it because there's a

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huge piece to issues in caregiving,

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and so I educate.

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People and now I'm moving into

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corporations and work and, financial

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advisors, et cetera, about the legal

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and financial need for preparation for

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everyone properly so that no one

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gets left behind.

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Yeah, that's great.

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So, usually we were talking before we

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started recording about the, diversity

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of guests that I've had on the podcast.

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And I will say that typically

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I usually know just enough to be

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dangerous about the topics that they're

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going to cover.

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And on this one, I feel fairly out

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of my death even though it is,

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some legal issues.

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not because I'm unfamiliar with

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it, but because I've failed so

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spectacularly in being, a

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caregiver myself.

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until very recently I was, one of

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the sandwich generation with a.

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Mother in her late eighties and I

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have a teenager and running a business

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and running a home as a single woman.

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And so there are all the things

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happening.

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And so, you talk about, work life

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balance and which I've found to be,

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maybe I don't know what it means.

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So maybe we'll talk there.

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Cause I feel like

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I just haven't

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quite cracked that nut.

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So, tell me how that, how

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you look at

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that.

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It's impossible.

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Good.

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It's not just me, that's how

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I look at it.

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however, we can get better at it.

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Mm-hmm.

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If we pay attention to, resources that

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are available to us to help us do

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better for ourselves and our loved ones.

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Okay.

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So, there's lots of.

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People doing this caregiving thing,

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there's people like us who work for

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ourselves, right?

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And so when we step out of the

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workforce, we're stepping out

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of our own work and our own,

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responsibilities and maybe not

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taking on as many clients and et

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cetera, et cetera.

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But there is the whole, this

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53 million of unpaid family

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caregivers are not unpaid people.

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They're workers.

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Mm-hmm.

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They're working at jobs where they

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actually go to work.

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And when I say go to work, I just

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mean, maybe they're working from home,

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but they have time where they're

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putting in at work.

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Mm-hmm.

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And.

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so to educate our audience about very

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simplistically, let's start

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with the basics.

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You need to be a caregiver.

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You need legal things in place.

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You need to have powers of attorney.

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You need to have financial powers

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of attorney and healthcare powers

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of attorney.

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These are the 32nd definition.

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It is a document that you sign

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that gives the authority to someone

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else to act as if they are you in.

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Every possible capacity, either

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with their finances or their healthcare

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super powerful document, you are

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giving someone a great amount

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of authority.

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But if they are incapacitated,

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whether it be temporarily or

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permanently, they need someone to

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take care of their affairs for them.

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And that's what everybody needs.

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And everyone 18 years of age or

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older in this country should

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have one because anybody can get hit

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by a bus tomorrow.

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Mm-hmm.

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And you may not be able to handle your

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affairs, whatever that means, right?

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They get more complex as a

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document, as you get more assets,

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as you get more responsibilities

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or whatever.

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And so I'm just saying that.

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The concept of a power of attorney

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is very, very often missed

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until it's very late in the game.

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Oh my god.

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Mom is really sick.

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she's in the nursing home.

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She's in the hospital.

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I need, nobody will let me do anything.

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I can't move her money around.

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I can't pay her bills cuz I

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don't have power of attorney.

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Mm-hmm.

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Right.

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So if you know that somebody you love,

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you're gonna have to care for, or

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you're helping them, make sure you have

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those documents, you gotta have 'em.

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and everybody talks about a will.

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They're great.

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I love wills.

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Yeah, they're great.

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But actually in my world, wills

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are like the least important thing.

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Mm-hmm.

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Because, Powers of attorney are for

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live people who are sick, and wills are

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for dead people.

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It's that simple, right?

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Mm-hmm.

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And then in between, that little niche

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is something that we talk about living

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will and advanced directives, which is

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if someone is in a permanent vegetative

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state, what do they want me to do?

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And in the vernacular it's,

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do you want me to pull the plug or

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not pull the plug?

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Really?

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That's what it is.

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Mm-hmm.

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So you gotta have this conversation

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with your loved one and you gotta have

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a piece of paper that says so and

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not honestly not.

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Cause that piece of paper is so great in

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a hospital setting.

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It's because I am one of

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seven children.

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If my mom, 90 year old mom, who is

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a hoot and a half right now, and go

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on TikTok and look me up, you'll see

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the two of us.

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We have a lot of fun together, but

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if she goes to the hospital, all these

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kids are coming in with all their

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spouses and all their grandchildren,

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and some of their great-grandchildren

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will have 56 people in a room trying

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to decide what do we do with mom?

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She's in a permanent vegetative

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state, right?

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Mm-hmm.

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I don't want that.

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I got a piece of paper that mom

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signed that says, this is what

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we're gonna do.

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Mm-hmm.

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And I say, I might not even do this,

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but this is what mom said and so this is

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what we're gonna do.

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It takes the decider off the hook.

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So that's your basic stuff, right?

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That does not address at all

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the work-life balance issue and

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the difficulty of the cost of care.

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Obviously not just financially,

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but physically, emotionally.

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whatever.

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Mm-hmm.

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for people like you and I who have their

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own business, we don't have someone

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that's gonna give us paid time off

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or family and medical leave or,

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stuff like that.

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Right.

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It doesn't mean there's not

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resources out there for us, but

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it does mean that it's a little bit

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harder for us.

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but here's two things right off

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the top of my head.

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Get paid.

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If your mom has assets and she

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would pay a complete stranger to come

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in and take care of her, she can

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pay you the same $25 an hour to pay.

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You get a contract signed, preferably

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with a lawyer's, approval.

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So it looks like you're not

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self-dealing and get paid.

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It might not be.

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You might earn $250 an hour, so it's

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not gonna make up for that, but it

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keeps you in the Social Security

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and 10 99 yourself, by the way.

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It keeps you in the Social

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Security loop.

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It keeps you in the Social Security

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disability loop.

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You are still getting paid right?

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Wow.

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Okay.

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So would you have put this in

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place the same time that you're putting

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together the other,

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because otherwise, like, let's

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say they're

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already in capacity.

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Sure.

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They can't enter this agreement.

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Why not?

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Of course.

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Why not?

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you don't have to take the

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money right away.

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Mm-hmm.

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But honestly, the other thing I say is

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if you really don't need the money,

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take it anyway.

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Because two things.

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Number one, put it in your ira.

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Mm-hmm.

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You're losing time to create wealth for

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you in your future.

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In case this happens to you.

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Right?

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So if you really don't need 20, put

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it in your ira.

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Mm-hmm.

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Right?

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And secondly, it is a way for you to put

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everyone on notice.

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And I am working here.

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Mm-hmm.

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somebody said something to me

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very interesting yesterday.

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She said, me and my sister, my

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mom got very sick very quickly.

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They were in their thirties.

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they weren't prepared.

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Their dad was living, but they

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came in to do the hands-on, and she

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said the saddest part for me was we

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spent so much time being caregivers,

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we didn't spend time with my mom

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as daughters while she was dying.

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Mm.

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Mm-hmm.

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Oh God, this is really, it

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hurt, it breaks my heart, right?

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That they couldn't be.

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In the relationship of mom and daughter,

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because they had to call the

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doctor, they had to make sure the

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hospice was coming.

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They had to, give her a sponge

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bath if somebody had put other

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money in place.

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That's the second thing.

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Long-term care insurance.

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Mm-hmm.

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If you can afford that.

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Mm-hmm.

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And if you're young, you can

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really afford it.

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If you put that in place, it

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lets your family be your family.

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Mm-hmm.

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Right.

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Yes, I agree.

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And honestly, if they have to work

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for you, they can get paid out

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of that kind of a product too.

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Right.

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And then there's a whole raft of

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organizations that have come about in

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the last few years because Medicaid

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has allowed them to pay family members.

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Okay.

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Never spouses.

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Mm-hmm.

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But other family members.

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Mm-hmm.

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And you may very well, if your person

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is not a person of assets or means they

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may qualify for a Medicaid benefit and

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you can literally work for them,

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and you get paid.

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Wow.

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So what if you have a niece who is in

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college mm-hmm.

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And can do this part-time paid.

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We have to get ourselves out

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of the mindset that this is.

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A gift that we give to our loved

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ones, that we make the supreme

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sacrifice of giving up every other

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asset or financial, thing that we

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have in order to take care of mom.

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Mm-hmm.

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Because I'm not saying you don't

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need to take care of mom.

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That's wonderful if you can, but

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money isn't the problem here, isn't

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the evil one here?

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Mm-hmm.

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There's lots of ways to transfer

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the money so that, as I've said

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three times now, you aren't mom

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30 years from now with no money.

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Right.

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Especially if there's no one to

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take care of you.

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Right.

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That is scary.

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Do you say a couple things that I

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wanna just back up.

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Okay.

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And kinda just relate my personal

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experience, frankly.

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one was about the advanced

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directors of medical directives and if

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you're loved, one is, in a vegetative

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state or something.

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One of the things that's happened with

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Covid and that I have with my mother

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is that, They are in the hospital

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and, and they are awake, aware you

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can talk to them, but you're can't

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be alone with them.

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At least they couldn't at

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the time.

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I know things have changed, and you're

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not allowed to discuss their care.

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Like her doctors would not allow me

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to ask her, what do you want me to do?

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And so there can be circumstances

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where you have someone who.

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where there's, for me there was

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a circumstance of what do I do while

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she's deteriorating, but still here?

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So, and yeah.

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Yeah.

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And,

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not wanting to miss that window of being

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able to be with her.

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Well, of course the first side is, it'd

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be great if we have these conversations

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beforehand.

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Mm-hmm.

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Right?

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Yeah.

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So if you can, if you're

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hearing this Mm.

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And you can.

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It's hard, but you gotta go sit down.

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Honestly, 12 conversations, my

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book, that tells you how to have some of

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these conversations.

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Right.

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you gotta have the conversations.

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And if you can, and you're fortunate

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enough to be able to do that

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now, do that.

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but you're, telling us a

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different story.

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You're saying here we are

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in the crisis.

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I can't talk to her about this.

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The doctors won't let me, which is

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the craziest thing I've ever heard.

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I don't even understand what

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that means.

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But they

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said, well, but I could not ask her

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for her opinion.

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like you have to make the decision.

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You can't do that.

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It wouldn't, they didn't consider

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her to be, able to, contribute

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even though you could talk to her

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and ask her how she, you know.

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Yeah.

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okay.

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Well,

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Wait till they leave the room.

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Well, they wouldn't let me in the room.

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practical solutions are sometimes better

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than any anyone's.

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but I guess that's where family

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history comes into play, right?

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I mean, it's your mom and I hope that

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you know your mom well enough to know

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you're gonna have to make a decision.

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Mm-hmm.

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Based on what you know about her in

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terms of history.

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Mm-hmm.

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I will tell you that being this caregiver

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for eight different family members and

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friends, yes, I've had to make some

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tough decisions and yes, I still live

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with some regrets.

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Not even to tell you, oh, I made

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the wrong decision, but did I make the

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right decision?

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it's more of a question about

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that, right?

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Mm-hmm.

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Right.

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Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

I honestly think that's a case

Speaker:

for therapy.

Speaker:

It was, right?

Speaker:

I mean, to be honest with you, that's

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where I would have to resolve that.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Because, Even if you've had all

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the conversations, you've got all

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the paperwork, you did all the

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right things, crisis is crisis.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

And you're gonna have to make

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decisions and you're going

Speaker:

to second guess yourself later, if

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not in the moment.

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

and that's part of it.

Speaker:

and I will tell you the beauty of so

Speaker:

much attention being given to caregiving

Speaker:

now, and it's taken a long time.

Speaker:

Do you know Erin?

Speaker:

I looked up yesterday cuz I

Speaker:

was quoting her.

Speaker:

Rosalyn Carter started the

Speaker:

Institute for Caregivers in 1987.

Speaker:

Wow.

Speaker:

35 years, this woman, and she's

Speaker:

still alive, as you may know.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

Almost hundred years is still fighting

Speaker:

for the rights of caregivers and

Speaker:

caregiving families.

Speaker:

but the, thing, because there's so

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much now, so many organizations, so

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much, one of the things that there's

Speaker:

so much support about, okay, you're

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gonna feel bad, you're gonna have

Speaker:

regrets, you're gonna have guilt,

Speaker:

you're gonna have, all of those things.

Speaker:

I would say, so the answer is, since

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we're talking about it, prepare as

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much as you can, do the best you can.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

It's kind of like raising

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children, isn't it?

Speaker:

And.

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Talk to a therapist, it's over.

Speaker:

That is fair.

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That is fair.

Speaker:

Now the other piece of that was after my

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mother passed, and I am the executor

Speaker:

of her will and.

Speaker:

I felt, and I kind of feel this

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way, I'm thinking about that this

Speaker:

with my kid, is that, being the

Speaker:

executor kind of has interfered with my

Speaker:

grief process and,

Speaker:

which is exactly what these daughters

Speaker:

were saying to me yesterday.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker:

and, what are the options for,

Speaker:

people don't think of anyone else

Speaker:

being able to do this for them.

Speaker:

what are the options if you're not,

Speaker:

a rich person?

Speaker:

You know the thing, often the

Speaker:

person making the will thinks this

Speaker:

is some kind of a gift or an honor

Speaker:

that they're giving to let someone be

Speaker:

their executor.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

It is a dubious honor at best.

Speaker:

Yes.

Speaker:

The business of death is horrible.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

The business of death, the only good

Speaker:

redeeming quality, in my opinion

Speaker:

about the business of death is quite

Speaker:

frankly, keeps you so busy that it.

Speaker:

Tamps down your grief until you

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have a chance to sit in it.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

in a whole way.

Speaker:

Right?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

so that may have some value.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Because you gotta do some things.

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker:

I mean, nobody who knows the job ever

Speaker:

wants the job.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

but I would say, That if you are in

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a position and you are, working with

Speaker:

a family member and they have decided

Speaker:

you're gonna be this person and

Speaker:

you know, you don't want this cuz you're

Speaker:

the caregiver, encourage them to

Speaker:

choose someone else.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Someone who the business part won't

Speaker:

be daunting to them.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

It won't be emotional to them.

Speaker:

now in your case, maybe you didn't

Speaker:

have anyone, if you're an only child

Speaker:

or if your adult child is an adult

Speaker:

enough yet mm-hmm.

Speaker:

They can't do it.

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker:

That kind of a thing.

Speaker:

I will tell you, you're probably

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not gonna like this answer,

Speaker:

but I don't like sharing that job.

Speaker:

Having two people have the job,

Speaker:

sounds like, divide and conquer,

Speaker:

but more, that's more of a problem

Speaker:

than anything.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

And you, having done it, you would

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probably understand having to sign

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papers, having to be available

Speaker:

to, go through documents, whatever.

Speaker:

If you need someone else and they live

Speaker:

in another state, or they have a

Speaker:

busy life just like you, that's gonna

Speaker:

extend this torture longer than it

Speaker:

needs to be done.

Speaker:

So, right.

Speaker:

I don't like that.

Speaker:

And the third thing I wanna

Speaker:

say about this, cuz it's really

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important, cause old people love to

Speaker:

make their oldest child the executor

Speaker:

or their son.

Speaker:

Now they live in Virginia, youngest

Speaker:

only daughter.

Speaker:

They live in Virginia like you

Speaker:

do, let's say.

Speaker:

And their son lives in Seattle

Speaker:

and they're gonna pick their son

Speaker:

who's in Seattle.

Speaker:

And I'm like, what are you doing?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

I really, really don't

Speaker:

recommend this.

Speaker:

It's not a good idea.

Speaker:

You've gotta pick someone who's here,

Speaker:

the, where the estate is, where the

Speaker:

physical need to do the paperwork is.

Speaker:

And I know we do a lot of things online

Speaker:

now, but trust me, it's better to be

Speaker:

where your stuff is.

Speaker:

Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker:

So, absolutely.

Speaker:

So, yeah, and if it's okay with

Speaker:

you, I'd like to veer a little left.

Speaker:

Sure.

Speaker:

Which is just talk about work

Speaker:

and caregiving where people who

Speaker:

work in corporate America mm-hmm.

Speaker:

You have so many things available to

Speaker:

you that you don't even know about.

Speaker:

for instance, you probably have

Speaker:

legal benefits, but you haven't

Speaker:

thought about it in terms of a power

Speaker:

of attorney or powers of attorney

Speaker:

for your parents.

Speaker:

You think about it if you have a D U I

Speaker:

or if you have, an accident, you need

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to get a lawyer.

Speaker:

That's a really, as I told you, the

Speaker:

critical piece.

Speaker:

If you have legal benefits, use them

Speaker:

for this part, for the caregiving part,

Speaker:

you can use it for a family member.

Speaker:

Well, this, okay, maybe not, but

Speaker:

I haven't met a lawyer yet who

Speaker:

said is gonna say, no, no, no.

Speaker:

I don't wanna do any work for anybody

Speaker:

else in your family.

Speaker:

Okay.

Speaker:

Oh yeah.

Speaker:

You say, I'm gonna come in,

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I'm gonna bring my parents in and.

Speaker:

Would you mind giving us the same

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wonderful, 20% off or whatever that

Speaker:

you're giving me.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

And then I'm gonna tell my brother

Speaker:

and sister it's probably not for

Speaker:

your family members, but lawyers don't

Speaker:

turn business away.

Speaker:

We're not in the business

Speaker:

of doing that.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

We want clients.

Speaker:

Boy, do we want families?

Speaker:

That's even better.

Speaker:

Right?

Speaker:

So use your legal benefits.

Speaker:

yes.

Speaker:

Use it for your parents in whatever

Speaker:

fashion you can check out.

Speaker:

Long-term care insurance.

Speaker:

Do you have that at work?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Check it out.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Just at least look at it.

Speaker:

When my husband had it many years ago,

Speaker:

you could buy it for your parents.

Speaker:

How cool is that?

Speaker:

Hmm.

Speaker:

And it's coming back in a big way as a

Speaker:

corporate benefit.

Speaker:

Yes.

Speaker:

And if you're in the C-suite, you can

Speaker:

deduct that, premium as a, deductible

Speaker:

either I don't know if it's a health

Speaker:

cost or business cost, but it's a

Speaker:

deductible cost.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

do you know what, may be available

Speaker:

for people who are self-employed

Speaker:

or have

Speaker:

so,

Speaker:

so that's one right there.

Speaker:

Long-term care insurance and

Speaker:

then the deduction of the premium.

Speaker:

Absolutely.

Speaker:

That's a perfect example of that.

Speaker:

So the businessing P and then

Speaker:

Yes, exactly.

Speaker:

Exactly.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

and also obviously in a work where you

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have paid time off and you have F M L

Speaker:

A and all of those things, you can use

Speaker:

them appropriately for caregiving

Speaker:

and caregiving for the people.

Speaker:

It used to be, would, could only

Speaker:

be your spouse, and now they've expanded

Speaker:

it to your parents and I think they've

Speaker:

even expanded it more to other

Speaker:

family members.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

So check that out at work.

Speaker:

and then you have.

Speaker:

EAPs with a mental health.

Speaker:

Mental health is a big deal right now.

Speaker:

It's everywhere.

Speaker:

We're all gonna pay for mental health.

Speaker:

Well, if nothing's gonna give you more

Speaker:

mental health stress than caregiving,

Speaker:

I don't know what it is, right?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Use that.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Take advantage of it just because

Speaker:

you don't feel like you're losing your

Speaker:

mind, but you know you're under extra

Speaker:

stress Doesn't mean you shouldn't

Speaker:

be using a mental health benefit.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

So, Yeah.

Speaker:

And a lot of it

Speaker:

is kind of delayed kind of reaction.

Speaker:

It is in it.

Speaker:

You're just in it, it's almost

Speaker:

like survival

Speaker:

and people are just very unschooled

Speaker:

about what they have at work that Would

Speaker:

be helpful in this kind of a situation.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

And if you, have your own, you know,

Speaker:

I am a solopreneur and I have,

Speaker:

health insurance and through it

Speaker:

I do have mental health benefits.

Speaker:

And so preneurs

Speaker:

hopefully have that element within their

Speaker:

insurance as well.

Speaker:

yeah.

Speaker:

So

Speaker:

tell me like,

Speaker:

all this costs money.

Speaker:

Are there strategies for, how people

Speaker:

who are, this audience is

Speaker:

primarily founders of service-based

Speaker:

businesses.

Speaker:

How they can, be, I mean, strategies for

Speaker:

them to help access and pay for, these

Speaker:

types of services.

Speaker:

So, yes.

Speaker:

It's almost always gonna depend on

Speaker:

whether you're, the person you're

Speaker:

caring for has means or doesn't have

Speaker:

means, all right?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

So if they have means they're

Speaker:

gonna have to use their own money,

Speaker:

but again, let 'em pay you Even if

Speaker:

you're bringing in caregivers at

Speaker:

$25 an hour, you should still get

Speaker:

paid for your work.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Your, time should be paid time.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Get paid.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

10 99.

Speaker:

so let's say your parents are people

Speaker:

of assets, then if their assets are

Speaker:

gonna be used to pay for their care,

Speaker:

that's typical.

Speaker:

And also ask and find out if they

Speaker:

have long-term care policies.

Speaker:

I didn't find out I was taking, my

Speaker:

brother had ms.

Speaker:

The worst kind, very, very

Speaker:

incapacitated for a long time.

Speaker:

3, 4, 5 years into it.

Speaker:

I found out he had a long-term

Speaker:

care policy.

Speaker:

Oh my goodness.

Speaker:

Oh, we got it finally.

Speaker:

we got all the benefits.

Speaker:

It was wonderful.

Speaker:

But it's like, where was that?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

So look through your loved one's papers,

Speaker:

cuz often they don't even know what

Speaker:

they have, right?

Speaker:

So, and that's a place where

Speaker:

money lies.

Speaker:

and sometimes they have life insurance

Speaker:

that has a long-term care rider.

Speaker:

That's a place where money lies.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Often they have bought that and they

Speaker:

forgot about it, or they don't know

Speaker:

how to start it.

Speaker:

They don't know how to implement

Speaker:

it, right?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Annuities often have this thing,

Speaker:

they're called hybrid policies.

Speaker:

Now, a lot of people are buying these

Speaker:

hybrid policies that are long-term

Speaker:

care policy riders attached to a

Speaker:

life insurance benefit, so pay

Speaker:

attention to that.

Speaker:

If you're a solopreneur and

Speaker:

you're taking care of a loved one, or

Speaker:

if you wanna do it for yourself, right?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

There's lots of ways to protect.

Speaker:

Yourself.

Speaker:

for a long-term care event.

Speaker:

then there's these agencies.

Speaker:

if you're a person without assets,

Speaker:

Medicaid actually has ways for

Speaker:

you to get paid.

Speaker:

Also, your state will have

Speaker:

things called a waiver program.

Speaker:

That's what it's called.

Speaker:

I don't know why, but that's

Speaker:

what it's called.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Um, and if your loved one is staying

Speaker:

home, they are entitled to benefits

Speaker:

to allow someone to help care for them.

Speaker:

And that's a way for you to also get

Speaker:

paid without going through an agency,

Speaker:

just a person who's caring for them

Speaker:

and they qualify for Medicaid that

Speaker:

you almost always have to do either

Speaker:

through an elder lawyer, which

Speaker:

would be great, or the area of.

Speaker:

Agency, on aging.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Everyone has one somewhere, and it's

Speaker:

called something families, sometimes

Speaker:

it's called, it's called something

Speaker:

like that.

Speaker:

But there, every state has 'em, every

Speaker:

county has them.

Speaker:

Everybody's got 'em.

Speaker:

And that's where you would get

Speaker:

guidance on where the money lies.

Speaker:

so there's money.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Now how you

Speaker:

mentioned eight.

Speaker:

You even caregiver to

Speaker:

eight people is true story simultaneously

Speaker:

sometimes.

Speaker:

how did you do this?

Speaker:

Sometimes it was started out with

Speaker:

my grandmother who was 92 and came to

Speaker:

live with me and my two-year-old

Speaker:

at the same time.

Speaker:

So talk about a sandwich, right?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

And those two just loved

Speaker:

ganging up on me.

Speaker:

They thought it was hilarious to

Speaker:

be living this life Of chaos.

Speaker:

Of chaos.

Speaker:

and then I had several, great aunt,

Speaker:

my mother-in-law, my brother-in-law that

Speaker:

I told you about Ms.

Speaker:

while I was the primary

Speaker:

caregiver for my brother-in-law

Speaker:

who had ms.

Speaker:

My very best friend fell down a flight

Speaker:

of stairs and had a traumatic brain

Speaker:

injury and her husband of 34 years.

Speaker:

Left.

Speaker:

Her and She only had friends, her

Speaker:

children lived on the other side of

Speaker:

the country, and so I became her

Speaker:

primary caregiver.

Speaker:

And then her, our other friends also

Speaker:

stepped up, so it was simultaneous.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

And all the while being a

Speaker:

solopreneur, right?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

So, I'm not gonna lie, my business

Speaker:

slowed down very dramatically.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

but I'm also not gonna lie and say

Speaker:

that that wasn't.

Speaker:

the key and the impetus to create

Speaker:

what I do now.

Speaker:

So there's the gift, right?

Speaker:

I see what's happening and yeah.

Speaker:

it was hard.

Speaker:

Yeah, it was hard.

Speaker:

I spent a lot of time taking care

Speaker:

of my kids and my family members and

Speaker:

my friend, because I could, and I will

Speaker:

tell you, I have an amazing, awesome

Speaker:

husband mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Who was more than willing to let me

Speaker:

be that person.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

That's probably the biggest key.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

And you

Speaker:

said, Work-life balance does

Speaker:

not exist.

Speaker:

What's the closest thing

Speaker:

that comes to it?

Speaker:

Like what?

Speaker:

How

Speaker:

do we protect ourselves?

Speaker:

If you wait long enough, it

Speaker:

comes around.

Speaker:

The closest thing that comes to it is

Speaker:

recognizing that you have to put yourself

Speaker:

first sometimes.

Speaker:

And not when you're dead, and not when

Speaker:

you're exhausted, and not when you're

Speaker:

yelling at everyone because you've

Speaker:

just burnt out.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

That you have to figure out

Speaker:

what that is.

Speaker:

So my, calendar has, a workout in

Speaker:

it four days a week.

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker:

And that is sacred time.

Speaker:

Nobody gets that hour except my

Speaker:

trainer, who I hate.

Speaker:

it's like that, right?

Speaker:

and if it's, only a half hour, because

Speaker:

you have, there was a time when I

Speaker:

had a 15 year old and a 12 year old,

Speaker:

and I was taking them to practice,

Speaker:

and my husband was a traveling

Speaker:

salesman, so, right.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Larry, my brother-in-law

Speaker:

is five miles from me in an

Speaker:

independent living, but his wheelchair

Speaker:

broke down.

Speaker:

He can't get anywhere.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

I have to find, so yes.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

If it's a half hour, I'm gonna read this

Speaker:

book and nobody's gonna talk to me.

Speaker:

every night from nine to nine

Speaker:

30, go away, whatever it is.

Speaker:

and then it's a bigger thing,

Speaker:

like those mental health things,

Speaker:

like you've got to not be, A martyr.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

The thing where they tell you to

Speaker:

put your mask on before you, in

Speaker:

the, if the oxygen goes out in the

Speaker:

plane.

Speaker:

But my mom has given me such great

Speaker:

martyr lessons.

Speaker:

It's really hard to, let that

Speaker:

influence go.

Speaker:

And if she heard me, she'd be like, okay.

Speaker:

She couldn't hear me.

Speaker:

She's right down the street.

Speaker:

Well, she gave you those great jeans,

Speaker:

yeah.

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker:

so that's how you get more

Speaker:

balance mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Is by, by shoving it in that calendar.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

And then, I mean, like everything,

Speaker:

right, Erin, life just sort

Speaker:

of balances out.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

But I just don't want you to be

Speaker:

destitute at the end of it.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

That's what I don't want.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker:

what if it's, let's say you're

Speaker:

in your fifties and you've been letting

Speaker:

all these things.

Speaker:

Then what?

Speaker:

So, you mean like you don't have

Speaker:

long-term care insurance and

Speaker:

you don't have, so look it up.

Speaker:

I mean, at least look,

Speaker:

pretending that you can't have it.

Speaker:

Oh God.

Speaker:

Is this like the biggest thing that

Speaker:

you do right in your work, outside

Speaker:

of what we're talking about, but

Speaker:

pretending that you can't have it

Speaker:

because you don't do any homework

Speaker:

about what that actually means?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Is the biggest disservice you can

Speaker:

do to yourself?

Speaker:

Just look it up.

Speaker:

see what's out there.

Speaker:

See what you have.

Speaker:

Talk to a professional

Speaker:

who says, okay.

Speaker:

I see you have four life insurance

Speaker:

policies here.

Speaker:

Why?

Speaker:

Maybe we can consolidate them and

Speaker:

make sure there's a long-term care

Speaker:

rider to that.

Speaker:

So now you're protected and

Speaker:

do this one time thing and get

Speaker:

your documents in order, okay?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

You're done.

Speaker:

Great job.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Mommy's proud.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

I will

Speaker:

say I'm one of the people who's,

Speaker:

you know, done so many things online

Speaker:

without kind of that intermediary

Speaker:

professional, like a broker,

Speaker:

for insurance or even, for travel.

Speaker:

We kind of are used to doing things

Speaker:

on our own, but there are still.

Speaker:

Insurance brokers in the world is that

Speaker:

we are and I believe these are complex,

Speaker:

this isn't just life insurance.

Speaker:

This is a complex situation and I

Speaker:

really believe, just like lawyers,

Speaker:

you can, I'm gonna tell you right up

Speaker:

front, you can go online and type in

Speaker:

power of attorney.

Speaker:

And something will come up.

Speaker:

I'm not gonna ever tell you to do that.

Speaker:

You can do it for your 18 year old.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Because you'll get a standard document

Speaker:

and they don't own anything, so

Speaker:

who cares, right?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

But if you have an ira, if you

Speaker:

have somebody you need, that you're

Speaker:

worrying about who to be in charge of.

Speaker:

I think that's a

Speaker:

conversation with a professional.

Speaker:

What kind of powers do I really want

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them to have?

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What kind of authority do I

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really want this person to have?

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how much am I gonna let them into my

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stuff or not into my stuff or, whatever.

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I don't recommend that you do

Speaker:

that online.

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However, if it is absolutely

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impossible for you to, and all lawyers

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aren't ridiculously out, outrageously

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expensive, don't think that either.

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Cause it's not a true story, also

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not a true story.

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You might end up costing yourself

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more money by doing the wrong thing.

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Than by spending some money up

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front and doing the right thing.

Speaker:

We bring

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up another point like say you are

Speaker:

not married and you need to find.

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Someone to be the Your person.

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Yeah.

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To your person.

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Like, what should we be looking for in,

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okay.

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So it has to be a person that you

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trust, that you really, truly trust.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

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That is going to because in this

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scenario you can't, you're

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incapacitated and it could be temporary.

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But you're incapacitated.

Speaker:

Now I will say that anybody who takes on

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the job as a power of attorney is by

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law a fiduciary.

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Right.

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So by law they are going to be

Speaker:

looked at if they steal from you or

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whatever, but you don't want that.

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You don't wanna deal with that.

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So you want someone who you can trust.

Speaker:

You want someone who's.

Speaker:

Probably financially savvy on the

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financial side, and that might not be

Speaker:

the same person.

Speaker:

Maybe you want two people,

Speaker:

someone who's much more savvy or

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compassionate on the healthcare side.

Speaker:

don't pull the plug.

Speaker:

I'm having an appendectomy.

Speaker:

Just cause I don't think my brother

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listens to this, that he's financial

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power attorney, but somebody

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else, the medical power attorney.

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Yes,

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yes.

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And, I agree for people and

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Florida, I'm in Pennsylvania, so I

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am only licensed to practice law here.

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But I will tell you that Florida has,

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apparently I got a have friends in

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Florida, there's some weird thing

Speaker:

in there, laws that says if your

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executor has to be a blood relative, Hmm.

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I know.

Speaker:

And I didn't believe my friend when she

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told me that, I'm like, that can't be

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true, but mm-hmm.

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It's true.

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Hmm.

Speaker:

So what if you don't have any

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blood relatives?

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Right.

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Exactly.

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Or what if you don't like them?

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Right.

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You haven't talked to them.

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Yeah.

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In 30 years.

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Yeah.

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so a person.

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That you trust in a person that

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has knowledge and capability.

Speaker:

Even if it's just for a temporary

Speaker:

time, is the person you and you should

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talk to them first and say, I'm going

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to ask you if something happens

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to be this person.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Will you do that for me?

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

Speaker:

You definitely don't want it to

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be a surprise.

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Oh no.

Speaker:

Not a good idea.

Speaker:

Because it can

Speaker:

be a fair amount of work.

Speaker:

Absolutely, yes.

Speaker:

So

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this is the Hourly Exit podcast, and we

Speaker:

talk about building a scalable and

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saleable business.

Speaker:

And so in the context of that,

Speaker:

for our

Speaker:

solopreneurs or entrepreneurs,

Speaker:

where does this fit into making sure

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they're building a solid, sustainable

Speaker:

business?

Speaker:

So here's the thing, if you are

Speaker:

working on a solid, sustainable business

Speaker:

right now, What do you have in place

Speaker:

in case something happens to you?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Even if it's temporary.

Speaker:

What happens if you have to step out

Speaker:

for three months or six months

Speaker:

because you got hit by a car, right?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

What do you have in place?

Speaker:

That's what Kathy is trying to

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get you to do.

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Mm-hmm.

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Put something in place to give you

Speaker:

the peace of mind so that what Erin

Speaker:

has done, which has helped you

Speaker:

build this business that will sustain

Speaker:

itself while you're healing.

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker:

That's gonna keep going and you're

Speaker:

gonna be over here and all your

Speaker:

documents and everything is in

Speaker:

place, and you don't have to worry about

Speaker:

crisis planning.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

So these two professionals

Speaker:

sitting at this table now talking to

Speaker:

you have just given you peace of mind.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So few people think about that.

Speaker:

nobody thinks they're gonna to

Speaker:

get hit by a bus or get long covid

Speaker:

or whatever it is.

Speaker:

Right,

Speaker:

Function.

Speaker:

Yeah.

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It's all sort.

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Right.

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Yeah.

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I mean, and, it could be as, I don't

Speaker:

wanna say simple as long covid.

Speaker:

It could, because that's not simple,

Speaker:

but it could be as, Like, nobody

Speaker:

sees it but you.

Speaker:

I'm exhausted.

Speaker:

It's like mono, right?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

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I can do two hours of work today and

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then I am done.

Speaker:

I, am done.

Speaker:

I cannot do one more minute.

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Right?

Speaker:

And I need someone to do my banking.

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I need someone to go get my car serviced.

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I need someone, somebody who

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has authority to do that.

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Just go do that.

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Yeah.

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Peace of mind.

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Yeah.

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So smart.

Speaker:

So, I.

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Typically don't have lawyers on,

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but I'll ask, are you building your

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business with an eye towards selling it

Speaker:

someday?

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Well, I'm not building my

Speaker:

legal business.

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I'm gonna be perfectly

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honest with you.

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I'm actually more your client than

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I am a lawyer because you can

Speaker:

see I got three books behind me.

Speaker:

I've written three books, and my.

Speaker:

Really, work life is speaking to groups,

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speaking to ideally large corporations

Speaker:

who will bring in their employees to

Speaker:

talk about these kinds of issues,

Speaker:

but also about what the employer can

Speaker:

do for them when this caregiving

Speaker:

thing affects them as a worker.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

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Right.

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So I'm a speaker.

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I'm a speaker and a writer more than

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I am a lawyer.

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Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

but family and friends, you know,

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there's eight different family

Speaker:

members and friends.

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Well, there's lots more them around

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really.

Speaker:

Cottage industry, you have basically

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family members.

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Great.

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Therefore, well that's wonderful.

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Well, thank you for sharing that.

Speaker:

So as we wrap up three final things.

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One, the, goal of my podcast

Speaker:

and my consulting business is to

Speaker:

help create a more, equitable economy,

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one that works for more of us.

Speaker:

And so I'd love for people to

Speaker:

share a personal organization who's

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doing work in that space that they'd

Speaker:

like the audience to find out more about.

Speaker:

my favorite, I'm on the board of

Speaker:

something called Nancy's house.

Speaker:

And Nancy's house breaks the isolation

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of caregiving.

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Mm-hmm.

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And what we do is, although we

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have lots of small programs that

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you can join in through Facebook,

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the Facebook group, just look up

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Nancy's house and you can come in for

Speaker:

group counseling twice a month.

Speaker:

That's free.

Speaker:

we have.

Speaker:

Our main mission is to break this

Speaker:

isolation by having retreats that

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are usually three days long, three

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days, two nights in a five star.

Speaker:

Bed and breakfast where we provide

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counseling, yoga, massages,

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and love it.

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There's only 10 people.

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Mm-hmm.

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So you actually build a,

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community right there of people

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who understand what you're

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going through.

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Yeah.

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it is a wonderful, wonderful

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organization.

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Yeah.

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Oh, that's

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fantastic.

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Thank you for that.

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And so is there something exciting

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happening in your business

Speaker:

or something new that you'd

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like to tell us

Speaker:

about or an offer for the audience?

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You like to share?

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Well, I always offer this to

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any audience.

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You can contact me.

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I'm sure we're gonna give you

Speaker:

it in the notes.

Speaker:

Yes, everything.

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Share notes, absolutely.

Speaker:

Kathy dot sikorski gmail.com and I

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will talk to you for half hour

Speaker:

about anything you wanna talk about.

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We can talk about my earrings, we

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can talk about caregiving, we

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can talk about.

Speaker:

But I will talk to you hopefully

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about these important issues.

Speaker:

If you have any questions, as I

Speaker:

said, I'm only licensed in

Speaker:

Pennsylvania, but I can give you some

Speaker:

general guidance and if any real

Speaker:

personal questions about caregiving

Speaker:

or whatever, yes, you get 30

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minutes of my time.

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Wonderful.

Speaker:

That

Speaker:

is so generous.

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Thank you.

Speaker:

And so finally, where can people

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find you in addition to your

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website, which you just, shared?

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Are there other places you hang out

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online that we can

Speaker:

find?

Speaker:

Oh gosh, yeah.

Speaker:

Just Google me, honestly.

Speaker:

I'm like the first four pages

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under my name.

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If you can type Kathy Sikorski, you

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will see everything that I am doing.

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I'm on LinkedIn.

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Feel free to connect with me on LinkedIn.

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I love connecting with people in.

Speaker:

All kinds of work on LinkedIn

Speaker:

because caregiving touches everyone.

Speaker:

So connect with me on LinkedIn.

Speaker:

I'm on Amazon for my books.

Speaker:

so just type in my name again and,

Speaker:

you will see lots of things that I'm

Speaker:

doing in terms of writing articles

Speaker:

for people and on podcasts and, yeah.

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Wonderful.

Speaker:

I'm everywhere.

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Thank you so much.

Speaker:

You've

Speaker:

been incredibly generous with

Speaker:

your time and your wisdom.

Speaker:

Much appreciated.

Speaker:

Erin, thank you so much for having me.

Speaker:

I think this is such an important

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conversation and I'm so honored that you

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recognize that as well, so I really

Speaker:

truly appreciate it.

About the Podcast

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Hourly to Exit

About your host

Profile picture for Erin Austin

Erin Austin

Meet Erin Austin, a Harvard Law alum with over 25 years of copyright and contracts experience. As the go-to advisor for professionals with corporate clients, Erin empowers entrepreneurs to be their own advocates, standing out for her commitment to transforming expertise into empires through the creation, protection and leveraging of intellectual property assets. Explore her blend of legal expertise and entrepreneurial insight on ThinkBeyondIP.com and the "Hourly to Exit" podcast. Off the clock, you'll find Erin in the great outdoors or connecting with business coaches to elevate 6-figure consultants into 7-figure powerhouses.